I couldn't sleep at all.. I got up to use the bathroom every 5 seconds and before I knew it... We were throwing our bags into the jeep to head to Indy. The drive was quiet. I wanted to throw up, but then I would have an even more empty stomach... Prego probs!
So we wheel our stuff into Labor and Delivery and they take us back to our holding area. It's 7 am and in 2 hours I'll have my baby girl. I'll know what we are dealing with and I can relax. Maybe..........
My delivery nurse was amazing. I hve been blessed with awesome nurses with both kids and I am convinced that's why my recoveries are always pretty positive. Erika gave me my IV which is the 1st fear I had for the day. I almost yarfed and she had to tilt me back and put ice packs on me. You know, childish stuff. I HATE IVS! Worst ever. So that was done. Check. When can I have ice chips? Not for a while.
Since I delivered at IU hospital I had all these kids playing doctor on me. It was fun and they were great. Best wishes to them. There one job was to push birth control on me. Literally. 5 mins before the csection.... Mrs. Krukemeier- do you want to have your tubes tied? No. Do you need information on the pill? No. Do you want an IUD implanted. No. And then me being me--- I said listen, I'm getting ready to have my csection in about 2.5 that's birth control enough..believe me... he wont be allowed to touch me for quite some time....Travis laughed and said.. She's right. So we got that squashed. Ugh. Can I have ice chips? No. I'm really thirsty..NO.
In the meantime we hear blood curdling screams next door. For a second I was happy I didn't have to go through labor, she sounded bad. Apparently she had spina bifida and that keeps you from getting an epidural, AND she was a teenager which makes her pain tolerance less than desirable. I asked questions and learned.. go me. Well this little miss wimped out and had an emergency csection and bumped me... 30 mins before I'm supposed to go in! RUDE! That meant I had to wait for ice chips... I was turning into a desert.
So we waited.. Waited (meaning longer time until I could drink) and finally Erika brought Trav his suit and booties and they took me back to the operating table. It was freezing, but I was sweating.. A lot. How embarrassing. I got my spinal (bee sting grade, not hornet like they said) and then I started to shake... A lot. Like a lot a lot. I did this with my epidural So I kept being non chalant... Yea it looks like I'm seizing but don't worry I'm fiiiiiiine. I started to Meaghan joke.. Laugh it off and then I got nauseous. Bad sick. I was like ughhh I'm gunna barf..kind of like when you've drank too much and your head is on the toilet seat... Classy Krukemeier. They put a urine tray in my face which is awful and kind of like a toilet seat. My arms were strapped down so I couldn't even hold the bucket. Thankfully I didn't need it... Because they put some awesomeness named Zofran in my IV. Travis came in and the doctor came in and all the kids and the party started. 1112 was when I got my spinal... I know this because I made a wish at 1111 and she was born at 1142 am. Travis rubbed my arm and my hand. Never taking his eye off me. I kept asking him if he's alright... I thought for sure he'd go down. I prayed and prayed for her to cry because if she did, I'd be able to see her. She didn't and off she went. The medicine doc looked over the sheet and said she's a big girl and she has a big butt :) god love her. I needed that.
Travis raced back to be with her, took pictures and then came back. We got updated almost every 2 mins. Her oxygen wasn't good so she got the breathing tubes and the NG tube.
They stitched me up and we all made small talk. I wasn't really listening. I wanted my baby. It was a weird feeling. I felt helpless, not happy, not relieved, but grateful and weirdly calm. They unhooked my arms and I reached for Travis. He felt good in my arms, next best thing besides my new baby.
ICE CHIP TIME....
Next, I went into recovery room to be monitored for 2 hours. This is where I made love to ice chips and scratched my face as if I had meth bugs because of the meds. I vaguely remember this. But I remember my dad literally running to my side and grabbing my arm telling me how proud he was. He was exactly what I needed at that moment. Everyone was freaking out about my shaking and my scratchy face, firing questions at me...dad has nervous humor too and he said, "at least they didn't give you a knife to eat your ice chips".... As they shook everywhere from my convulsions.. And from underneath all the crazy, was my sister in law that asked-- Meaghan how are you doing? I lied. I said I'm ok. I wasn't. I was falling into a bad dark place..
Sometime around 2 or 3pm I was able to meet my gorgeous daughter, Andie, through a glass box. I held her hand and told her I loved her. It was magical. I wanted to smell her but I was numb and couldn't move.
Then we got to our postpartum room. I met my next awesome nurse, Thelsa. She gave me juice and made sure I was comfy. As evening approached I worried about Andie and then the worry turned into tears. Everyone that I love surrounded me and they were celebrating and I began to cry. That mad, un-understanding cry. My dad asked- are you in pain. I said no. And then everyone knew... I sat there and cried for my child. I wanted her. I needed her. Everyone left and it was Travis and I. Shift change- Cindy came to take care of us and I asked if I could go see Andie. Travis had been with her all day and kept bringing me pictures and awesome updates but I wanted to see my baby!!! Cindy told me that if I could stop shaking she'd take me. Finally at 1 am she and Travis took me and my pee bag down to Special Care and I was able to hold my angel baby. Instantly I was in love. I didn't know this, but Travis waited to let me hold her first and as soon as he could he scooped her up. It was perfect. That's when I knew all was going to be ok. Travis and I sat in the dark NICU and held our baby and I was fixed. I know in that moment that I kicked postpartums grimy little butt and smiled for the first time in 14 hours.
Travis and I kissed and we kissed her and left her with her sweet nurse, Sarah, whose daughter has the same heart defect. We knew our daughter was safe and sound.
Part 2, Next.
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