Elmo, Fisher Price and the bathroom

I'm such a liar.

Camden: "Em..Em?"
Me: No, Cam, Elmo isn't on right now. He comes on at 10. (like he can tell time, let alone understand why his favorite TV show can't be seen)
Camden: grabbing the remote...."Em Em?"
Me: taking the remote and switching to Kelly and Michael.. No Cam, Elmo is on soon.


Every morning, 45 seconds after he is awake...that sweet voice asks for Elmo. I'm not entirely lying to him, Elmo for reals isn't on until 10 and Kelly and Michael is on at 9... But the dirty secret is, I have DVR'd the shitzuh out of Elmo for emergencies. (One of the "smart" things I have done while learning to be home alone with a toddler).

So, I could in theory put Elmo on.

I use the time when Camden eats breakfast to get a head start on my caffeine intake, in hopes that it will knock third trimesters sleepiness from my bones, and give me half a chance to have energy to hold Camden's attention for longer than 3.5 seconds. This is also the time that I watch Kelly Ripa and get my morning news. Normal stuff. This also contains him, plastic tray, straps, bliss.

The first and last time I am in control for the rest of the day.

So today I made a list of things I have learned about parenting, about myself, about my son, whilst he chucked chalk in my face and then smacked his own hand and said No, No, No in his sweet semi British accent he seems to have.

1. Being home with a toddler is hard.
2. Being home with a toddler when it's 2 degrees in harder.
3. Being home with a toddler when it's 2 degrees and pregnant is hardest.
4. You should never decide to have more children until you have witnessed a toddler in its natural habitat.
*lucky for us, our second was a surprise, so I can't shake my fist at my own self.


5. Kids are adorable for a reason. Seriously.

6. Nap times are GLORIOUS. Better than a lot of things.
7. Bed time is mandatory... Not a minute later. After the shenanigans that took place today, Camden won't see an hour and a half past his bed time again until he's 18.
8. Daily, 150 high schoolers would test me and I usually came back and won the battle, being all like HA take that...well 1 toddler tests me and then makes me feel like I have been surprised, round housed, and left feeling like the ass I am.
9. Kids are SMART.. Smart in the brain and in the mouth. Even at his age. Scary.
10. Bringing out any electronic will almost always cause a scene if you don't let the kid play with it. I mean a scene you would see with a person going through detox. An out of body experience.


11. I will never again know what it's like to go to to the bathroom alone. I didn't believe my mom friends who have tread these waters already.
12. I can't wait for Travis to get home... I actually get anxious when he's late.
13. A simple smile from my little man makes all of the above complaints seem a little easier to deal with :) not non existent, but easier.

14. Now I know why tons of moms in the 50s supposedly took Valium.


Tomorrow we look for little gyms or fun activities in the surrounding area. Camden needs some interaction and I need to sit down. Alone. In a mommy time out.

Only 12 more weeks until I have another kiddo who will light up my life in her own special way. And the way Camden is, and the way she moves... This lady needs to sleep now... While she can.


Hugs and love,
Megs

Queen of Hearts

The night before I get to see Andie, I can't sleep and I think no good thoughts. I start to get that sad, mad feeling that I felt for a week after Travis and I found out that our little angel would have a tough fight ahead of her. As the onion peels we are finding out more and more about what little miss has in store for us, and so far it's been nothing but optimistic news.

Last night was no different from the other appointment- eves. Nervous, mind wandering, the what if game, praying and pleading, and then becoming silent. Silent until the nervous joking begins. Being smiley is my coping mechanism and sometimes it exhausting.

Today was different in the fact that I would be at a new hospital with new doctors and new people to give me their diagnosis and prognosis (look mom, I can use big words now!!) My mother-in-law, Sam and I made our way to Indy to see what the doctors had to say. We met 5 glorious people, each awesome-er than the next, and one by one, they confirmed and validated that my daughter was going to be taken care of. As a mother, that is all you can hope for, that others have the same goal for your kiddo, to be successful and to be the best they can be, with the cards they have been dealt.

The thing I am struggling with is that there is nothing that I, MOM, can do when it comes to her heart. My heart aches every time I see her on the screen pushing against the ultrasound wand, telling these doctors to leave her alone. I have to sit there and let them push on her so that they can get a good look. I'm thankful that they are trying to get answers, but its a strange feeling. It's like when I take Camden to get shots.. Awful but necessary.

Today was weird because I was with high risk docs... They should be called high alert docs! They check everything and leave no rock unturned. Since this is the case, they brought back the thought of a chromosomal defect..aka downs, etc. Every time someone says that word in reference to my daughter it's like a punch to the gut. I thought we were in the clear because of the negative test results, but buckle your seat belt megarino...you don't know squat until she is born. Lesson learned today. It's time that I stop trying to wrap my brain around all of this, stop letting myself go to the dark places, and stop being so worried about the unknown. Parenthood is a mind screw, you do the best with your tool box that you were supplied with and you give all the love you can to your sweet babies.

This pregnancy has taught me a lot, and 99% of what I have to learn is still in the chapters to come. I just hope whatever Andie has in store for me, leaves me with enough hair that I can still style with my big and sexy spray and a minimal amount of wrinkles :)

Update: surgery is still after a year... The holes are moderate and minimal, and the leaky valves are minimal. Aortic arch is showing minimal signs of narrowing. Medicine seems to be in small doses after birth, and she is already 2.5 lbs. we visit every 2 weeks.

Grow Andie grow! Love momma.

One week down.... I need a nap

Well, we made it to Indiana a day late, apparently they get snow and a lot of it. So we packed up the jeep and the truck, and headed East. Camden was in his carseat surrounded by little pieces of our life from Illinois. Although it was incredibly bittersweet and difficult I knew the only pieces that mattered were the little boy in the back seat and the big boy in the truck in front of me.
I grew up being 5 minutes from every part of my family and seeing them whenever I wanted. When we moved to red bud I felt like I was 5 hours away and it killed me. Now that I really am 5 hours away its been an emotional roller coaster.

For 6 months I was without my husband and it was so hard. Only seeing him on the weekends was such a tease. Now that we are back together we are back in our first year of marriage again... Figuring out how to live together again.. That's a whole other post :-)

Camden is the one who we worry about... And he is perfect. As long as he has his mom, dad, Ollie, blanky, paci and crib he's good to go.

The first week being settled and alone with Camden was scary. I learned that being a stay at home mom is so hard. I mean real hard. You lose a sense of yourself and resort to Elmo and chicken fingers, oh, and the alphabet song! I've also learned that since I was at work, at class, etc Camden and I really haven't been mom and cam.. For a long period of time (since maternity leave). This makes me sad. I've been molding 140 "other people's kids" for nearly 5 years, and my little guy is just know learning from his mom. Tear.

My mom never stayed home with me, but I always felt like she had it together and wore 765 hats to get it all done. I have about 2 hats right now and I'm DAMN tired.

I've learned that I need to sloooooow down. Cherish every moment, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I have a lot of changing, growing up, and relaxing to do.

I feel I deserve a bag of Milano cookies for making it through the first week.... Don't mind if I do!!

Camden is such a cool kid and I thank all of the special people who helped him grow into the young dude he is today while I was at work!! The Bumblebeez staff, Tracy, Mom, Ma and Grammy, thank you!

-Love and hugs-
Megs