I am unsure of the length that this post may be, so I will warn you now. If you are willing an able, hopefully you have a glass of moscato, or a skinny girl margarita in your hand while you read about my instability, it may make this experience more enjoyable for you. *sigh... wine and margaritas...
So a few weeks ago, I went to the doctor and my "doc" is all like I am leaving the country, but Ill schedule your csection for April the 8th, I probably wont ever see you again..maybe your baby will turn, Ill have you meet the surgeon who may do your csection...Peace. I wasn't scared at all, I knew she would flip, and sure enough she did. The next week, the nurse practitioner that I was seeing said that on the ultrasound baby was head down and she would cancel the csection... SWEET! Then yesterday I went in at 39 weeks and 5 days and found out that little miss was flipped again. I flipped my (_______) you know what! How did she flip? There is NO room? WHAT? are you sure?
At this point I went into weirdo mode and called everyone, informed them that she was coming on Monday the 15th at 9 am...I was quite bossy and I apologize for that. When a red head, a red head named Meaghan gets stressed, I turn into a... whats the animal that's mean as snot?
A honey badger?? No....A wolverine... ugh.. (another reason I don't like Michigan)
I am being tested and I don't like it. Do I have a choice, NO.. but it still doesn't mean that I have to like the situation. I am a pretty tough cookie and I can definitely dish it out, as well as take what I deserve, but this whole "Andie" situation has me shaking in my compression socks. More than one person has mentioned that she is a little me, and that I am getting my clone, etc. Maybe so, but she could have at least given it to me in small doses.
I follow a blog, www.modgblog.com, and I love her. She is super hippie and a little extreme for me, but nevertheless, she is hilarious and says stuff out loud that many of us wish we could say. She has had 2 cesareans, and complained about both of them because of her hippie ways, she wanted to have her kiddos all natural. god bless her for wanting that! She even almost didn't show up for her second csection because she wanted to have a VBAC and hated that fact she was being told what to do. I remember reading her post about how upset she was about this, and how it was so unfair that she couldn't bring her little girl into this world the way she wanted. I was so upset because her baby was HEALTHY and I had just found out that mine was not. This is even before we knew if she had downs, or x,y,z. I remember thinking to myself, how dare you... you have it sooo easy... and I am ashamed of those feelings now. A mother does find a calmness in the way that she would like her baby to enter the world. Unfortunately, being asleep, without pain, or without putting forth effort is not yet an option in this wonderful world of modern medicine. Ive said this once, Ive said it again, and I'm almost certain I will say it 100 more times, Andie has a plan for her life. A friend of mine told me not too long ago, maybe she knows EXACTLY what she is doing in there. Maybe there is a reason she is not following directions and doing what she is supposed to. Sure, Ill buy that. As I sit here and scour the Internet about csections (stupid Internet), yes I am scared, Yes it will hurt, Yes it will be fast, and YES i am slightly convinced Travis will pass out..... I have a sense of calmness that I haven't yet felt. About a month or so ago, I as a mom who has experienced the "ideal birth", received the worst news. I probably wouldn't be able to hold my baby after I gave birth to her because she would be taken to see the cardiologist and run through a plethora of tests, etc. This news rocked me, slapped me, kicked me in the stomach, and then knocked me down. Ill never forget the joy I felt as Camden was placed into my arms moments after I gave birth to him. It was the most awesome, fantastic feeling I had felt. The friend that told me, maybe she has plan, was not able to hold her first baby because she was premature, so she knows the hardship, the heartache, the worry that I have and will feel... and yesterday, after them scheduling my second csection, I couldn't agree more with her statement. In my heart, I think that little miss is trying to protect me from not being able to hold her. I think she wants to enter this world on her terms, and I think she wants to let me get put back together before we meet, because she knows that I am going to be worried sick about her. It might sound crazy, and trust me, I know pregnant people are nuts anyways, but I truly think she is being stubborn because she knows its best for us. She will be with her new best friend, her daddy, while she takes on the tests, and because I am having a csection, I wouldn't be allowed to hold her anyways. I think she knows how sad it would make me if I wasn't able to hold her after a "normal" delivery. I know that MANY people have csections and all their reasons are specific to them. This is why I think our story has taken this turn. Well at least its what I tell myself. :)
(don't de-friend me.. I swear I'm not totally cuckoo... yet...)
So Travis is totally cool as a cucumber. I kind of want to be like... CAN YOU PLEASE JUST FREAK OUT WITH ME???? but then I don't. A Travis in distress is horrible. He gets super super quiet and its weird. I mean even more quiet than normal, folks. Hes been great to me this weekend and I love him for that, he even told me I looked skinny, Bless him. I am excited to write about the csection experience in regards to Travis, because last time, he used words like "Gross, Ewe, and OMG that Smells... (when you lose control... you know.....), is this over yet... and my favorite... AWW Buddy, you have red hair.. Its going to be OK.. (5 seconds after we all meet...). Travis thinks this is the "way to go", because its "easier" and "not gross". HELLO Mr. Deer Hunter.... how are you so sensitive??? I feel great knowing that he will be by my side during all this crazy that's about to happen.
**disclaimer**
I will knock him one if he passes out.
FOR REAL.
PERIOD!
I personally want to think ALL my friends close and not so close for being SOOOO helpful in preparing for this thing they call a CSECTION. Without your advice I would be lost.
Seriously, thank you!
Tomorrow is our last day as a family of three. I just started crying typing that out. Camden gets WHATEVER he wants for breakfast, he is going to see horseys with his Dude and Mimi, and his Poppop, Chewie and Uncle Tommy will be here that evening, and even more grandmas/grandpas, aunts and uncles to come. We are blessed to have such wonderful people in our life to help us enter into our new family.
Hugs-
Meaghan
No comments:
Post a Comment