Babies, Meth Bugs, and Ice chips

Travis and I woke up early, both moms here to help with Camden. I watched everyone eat breakfast and drink their coffee. When you have a csection you can't eat anything after midnight the night before. Needless to say I was very jealous. This will also become a problem and obsession as the day progresses.

I couldn't sleep at all.. I got up to use the bathroom every 5 seconds and before I knew it... We were throwing our bags into the jeep to head to Indy. The drive was quiet. I wanted to throw up, but then I would have an even more empty stomach... Prego probs!

So we wheel our stuff into Labor and Delivery and they take us back to our holding area. It's 7 am and in 2 hours I'll have my baby girl. I'll know what we are dealing with and I can relax. Maybe..........
My delivery nurse was amazing. I hve been blessed with awesome nurses with both kids and I am convinced that's why my recoveries are always pretty positive. Erika gave me my IV which is the 1st fear I had for the day. I almost yarfed and she had to tilt me back and put ice packs on me. You know, childish stuff. I HATE IVS! Worst ever. So that was done. Check. When can I have ice chips? Not for a while.

Since I delivered at IU hospital I had all these kids playing doctor on me. It was fun and they were great. Best wishes to them. There one job was to push birth control on me. Literally. 5 mins before the csection.... Mrs. Krukemeier- do you want to have your tubes tied? No. Do you need information on the pill? No. Do you want an IUD implanted. No. And then me being me--- I said listen, I'm getting ready to have my csection in about 2.5 that's birth control enough..believe me... he wont be allowed to touch me for quite some time....Travis laughed and said.. She's right. So we got that squashed. Ugh. Can I have ice chips? No. I'm really thirsty..NO.

In the meantime we hear blood curdling screams next door. For a second I was happy I didn't have to go through labor, she sounded bad. Apparently she had spina bifida and that keeps you from getting an epidural, AND she was a teenager which makes her pain tolerance less than desirable. I asked questions and learned.. go me. Well this little miss wimped out and had an emergency csection and bumped me... 30 mins before I'm supposed to go in! RUDE! That meant I had to wait for ice chips... I was turning into a desert.

So we waited.. Waited (meaning longer time until I could drink) and finally Erika brought Trav his suit and booties and they took me back to the operating table. It was freezing, but I was sweating.. A lot. How embarrassing. I got my spinal (bee sting grade, not hornet like they said) and then I started to shake... A lot. Like a lot a lot. I did this with my epidural So I kept being non chalant... Yea it looks like I'm seizing but don't worry I'm fiiiiiiine. I started to Meaghan joke.. Laugh it off and then I got nauseous. Bad sick. I was like ughhh I'm gunna barf..kind of like when you've drank too much and your head is on the toilet seat... Classy Krukemeier. They put a urine tray in my face which is awful and kind of like a toilet seat. My arms were strapped down so I couldn't even hold the bucket. Thankfully I didn't need it... Because they put some awesomeness named Zofran in my IV. Travis came in and the doctor came in and all the kids and the party started. 1112 was when I got my spinal... I know this because I made a wish at 1111 and she was born at 1142 am. Travis rubbed my arm and my hand. Never taking his eye off me. I kept asking him if he's alright... I thought for sure he'd go down. I prayed and prayed for her to cry because if she did, I'd be able to see her. She didn't and off she went. The medicine doc looked over the sheet and said she's a big girl and she has a big butt :) god love her. I needed that.

Travis raced back to be with her, took pictures and then came back. We got updated almost every 2 mins. Her oxygen wasn't good so she got the breathing tubes and the NG tube.

They stitched me up and we all made small talk. I wasn't really listening. I wanted my baby. It was a weird feeling. I felt helpless, not happy, not relieved, but grateful and weirdly calm. They unhooked my arms and I reached for Travis. He felt good in my arms, next best thing besides my new baby.

ICE CHIP TIME....

Next, I went into recovery room to be monitored for 2 hours. This is where I made love to ice chips and scratched my face as if I had meth bugs because of the meds. I vaguely remember this. But I remember my dad literally running to my side and grabbing my arm telling me how proud he was. He was exactly what I needed at that moment. Everyone was freaking out about my shaking and my scratchy face, firing questions at me...dad has nervous humor too and he said, "at least they didn't give you a knife to eat your ice chips".... As they shook everywhere from my convulsions.. And from underneath all the crazy, was my sister in law that asked-- Meaghan how are you doing? I lied. I said I'm ok. I wasn't. I was falling into a bad dark place..

Sometime around 2 or 3pm I was able to meet my gorgeous daughter, Andie, through a glass box. I held her hand and told her I loved her. It was magical. I wanted to smell her but I was numb and couldn't move.



Then we got to our postpartum room. I met my next awesome nurse, Thelsa. She gave me juice and made sure I was comfy. As evening approached I worried about Andie and then the worry turned into tears. Everyone that I love surrounded me and they were celebrating and I began to cry. That mad, un-understanding cry. My dad asked- are you in pain. I said no. And then everyone knew... I sat there and cried for my child. I wanted her. I needed her. Everyone left and it was Travis and I. Shift change- Cindy came to take care of us and I asked if I could go see Andie. Travis had been with her all day and kept bringing me pictures and awesome updates but I wanted to see my baby!!! Cindy told me that if I could stop shaking she'd take me. Finally at 1 am she and Travis took me and my pee bag down to Special Care and I was able to hold my angel baby. Instantly I was in love. I didn't know this, but Travis waited to let me hold her first and as soon as he could he scooped her up. It was perfect. That's when I knew all was going to be ok. Travis and I sat in the dark NICU and held our baby and I was fixed. I know in that moment that I kicked postpartums grimy little butt and smiled for the first time in 14 hours.









Travis and I kissed and we kissed her and left her with her sweet nurse, Sarah, whose daughter has the same heart defect. We knew our daughter was safe and sound.

Part 2, Next.

35 Hours out... Is this Real Life?

I am unsure of the length that this post may be, so I will warn you now. If you are willing an able, hopefully you have a glass of moscato, or a skinny girl margarita in your hand while you read about my instability, it may make this experience more enjoyable for you. *sigh... wine and margaritas...

 

So a few weeks ago, I went to the doctor and my "doc" is all like I am leaving the country, but Ill schedule your csection for April the 8th, I probably wont ever see you again..maybe your baby will turn, Ill have you meet the surgeon who may do your csection...Peace. I wasn't scared at all, I knew she would flip, and sure enough she did. The next week, the nurse practitioner that I was seeing said that on the ultrasound baby was head down and she would cancel the csection... SWEET! Then yesterday I went in at 39 weeks and 5 days and found out that little miss was flipped again. I flipped my (_______) you know what! How did she flip? There is NO room? WHAT? are you sure?

 

At this point I went into weirdo mode and called everyone, informed them that she was coming on Monday the 15th at 9 am...I was quite bossy and I apologize for that. When a red head, a red head named Meaghan gets stressed, I turn into a... whats the animal that's mean as snot?

A honey badger?? No....A wolverine... ugh.. (another reason I don't like Michigan)

 

I am being tested and I don't like it. Do I have a choice, NO.. but it still doesn't mean that I have to like the situation. I am a pretty tough cookie and I can definitely dish it out, as well as take what I deserve, but this whole "Andie" situation has me shaking in my compression socks. More than one person has mentioned that she is a little me, and that I am getting my clone, etc. Maybe so, but she could have at least given it to me in small doses.

 

I follow a blog, www.modgblog.com, and I love her. She is super hippie and a little extreme for me, but nevertheless, she is hilarious and says stuff out loud that many of us wish we could say. She has had 2 cesareans, and complained about both of them because of her hippie ways, she wanted to have her kiddos all natural. god bless her for wanting that! She even almost didn't show up for her second csection because she wanted to have a VBAC and hated that fact she was being told what to do. I remember reading her post about how upset she was about this, and how it was so unfair that she couldn't bring her little girl into this world the way she wanted. I was so upset because her baby was HEALTHY and I had just found out that mine was not. This is even before we knew if she had downs, or x,y,z. I remember thinking to myself, how dare you... you have it sooo easy... and I am ashamed of those feelings now. A mother does find a calmness in the way that she would like her baby to enter the world. Unfortunately, being asleep, without pain, or without putting forth effort is not yet an option in this wonderful world of modern medicine. Ive said this once, Ive said it again, and I'm almost certain I will say it 100 more times, Andie has a plan for her life. A friend of mine told me not too long ago, maybe she knows EXACTLY what she is doing in there. Maybe there is a reason she is not following directions and doing what she is supposed to. Sure, Ill buy that. As I sit here and scour the Internet about csections (stupid Internet), yes I am scared, Yes it will hurt, Yes it will be fast, and YES i am slightly convinced Travis will pass out..... I have a sense of calmness that I haven't yet felt. About a month or so ago, I as a mom who has experienced the "ideal birth", received the worst news. I probably wouldn't be able to hold my baby after I gave birth to her because she would be taken to see the cardiologist and run through a plethora of tests, etc. This news rocked me, slapped me, kicked me in the stomach, and then knocked me down. Ill never forget the joy I felt as Camden was placed into my arms moments after I gave birth to him. It was the most awesome, fantastic feeling I had felt. The friend that told me, maybe she has plan, was not able to hold her first baby because she was premature, so she knows the hardship, the heartache, the worry that I have and will feel... and yesterday, after them scheduling my second csection, I couldn't agree more with her statement. In my heart, I think that little miss is trying to protect me from not being able to hold her. I think she wants to enter this world on her terms, and I think she wants to let me get put back together before we meet, because she knows that I am going to be worried sick about her. It might sound crazy, and trust me, I know pregnant people are nuts anyways, but I truly think she is being stubborn because she knows its best for us. She will be with her new best friend, her daddy, while she takes on the tests, and because I am having a csection, I wouldn't be allowed to hold her anyways. I think she knows how sad it would make me if I wasn't able to hold her after a "normal" delivery. I know that MANY people have csections and all their reasons are specific to them. This is why I think our story has taken this turn. Well at least its what I tell myself. :)

 (don't de-friend me.. I swear I'm not totally cuckoo... yet...)

 

So Travis is totally cool as a cucumber. I kind of want to be like... CAN YOU PLEASE JUST FREAK OUT WITH ME???? but then I don't. A Travis in distress is horrible. He gets super super quiet and its weird. I mean even more quiet than normal, folks. Hes been great to me this weekend and I love him for that, he even told me I looked skinny, Bless him. I am excited to write about the csection experience in regards to Travis, because last time, he used words like "Gross, Ewe, and OMG that Smells... (when you lose control... you know.....), is this over yet... and my favorite... AWW Buddy, you have red hair.. Its going to be OK.. (5 seconds after we all meet...). Travis thinks this is the "way to go", because its "easier" and "not gross". HELLO Mr. Deer Hunter.... how are you so sensitive??? I feel great knowing that he will be by my side during all this crazy that's about to happen.

**disclaimer**

I will knock him one if he passes out.

FOR REAL.

PERIOD!

 

I personally want to think ALL my friends close and not so close for being SOOOO helpful in preparing for this thing they call a CSECTION. Without your advice I would be lost.

Seriously, thank you!

 

 

 Tomorrow is our last day as a family of three. I just started crying typing that out. Camden gets WHATEVER he wants for breakfast, he is going to see horseys with his Dude and Mimi, and his Poppop, Chewie and Uncle Tommy will be here that evening, and even more grandmas/grandpas, aunts and uncles to come. We are blessed to have such wonderful people in our life to help us enter into our new family.

 

Hugs-

Meaghan

Grocery List gone Haywire

This post began as a grocery list as I sit on the couch with swollen feet, 39 weeks pregnant and a toddler that is sweeter than candy today. As I was writing my grocery I looked over to check on Camden and he was looking up at the TV fake singing to sesame street and dancing back and forth. What a happy baby. Yes. He will always be my baby.

I don't know if its because I know Andie will be here soon or what, but I'm noticing that my little guy is actually turning into a young boy. I am flooded with many many emotions as we near the end of our second pregnancy, which is probably our last. That's a whole other post about that craziness.

Andie was not planned, but as I have said before... She was given to us for a reason and we are SO excited to meet her. On the other side of the coin, did we jip Camden of being an only child for a little longer?

I found myself crying the other night because I realized he would never remember life as the three of us. He will never remember the nights that Travis and I just sat and watched him in awe or the mornings when Travis and I would both go into his room and wake him up because we were so excited to be with him. He has a hold of both our hearts and now I'm sad that he won't remember how much effort and love we put into him as our one and only. Is this insane??

I was an only child for 10 years and I remember all the memories of my childhood, but I also can't imagine not having my brother. He truly is a blessing to me, and I am confident that Camden will be there for Andie and they will grow up to be the best of friends and worst of enemies :)

I have this overwhelming feeling of love as I try and give Camden all that I've got in this last week of the three of us. What an amazing 20 months its been. We have gone through so much as a family and it makes me soo proud to see that sweet smile on our sons face, proving to us, that despite all of the crazy in our lives we have succeeded in keeping the most important thing safe and sound.. The happiness of our son and the love between us.

Better get off the Internet- I have a son to spoil.

Hugs-
Megs