Well friends, a lot has gone down since I wrote you last. Tons of ups and some downs, but hey, that's life right?
I remember being a kid and thinking I can't wait to grow up because it would be so easy to just go to work... Well young Meaghan, you're an idiot. The old Meaghan doesn't even "work" anymore and I'd pay a fair amount of money to go back to those days...for a little while.
Since I've been home with two kids now I've learned a lot about myself. Some things are pretty cool, while others embarrass me. Having two kids is difficult to have a spur of the moment trip. Most of the time it's too much hassle to get both kids packed up to just run somewhere. Sucks for me. Stuck in the house is NO BUENO! (Señora Grogan...proud?) but sometimes I push the issue, grab the pacifiers and off we go.
Things that have surfaced as a result of having a new baby and a toddler:
1. I'm a yeller. Not a trashy yeller that we've all seen at Wal-Mart, but Camden pushes my buttons and I try and use my teacher skills and he plain IGNORES me. The nerrrrrrve. Exhibit A: he will walk over to the swing that his sister is in and act all sweet....start rocking her, slowly. I tell him to be gentle, giving him some praise for being a sweet boy, and then he rocks faster, faster, I say things like, "Camden thank you, but that's enough" "Camden please stop" "Camden NO", and then it happens.. Hyperspeed Rocking and then I flip my lid. He clearly knows what he is doing. He reminds me of an addict that binges because they know they are going to get busted anyways. Go big or go home perhaps... Crap. I think I remember saying those exact words as I snuck out of my parents house as a teenager.. Karma?
2. It is possible to shower everyday in peace. I have scheduled that time in for myself. Score! I even do my hair and make up, just so I feel decent. However, by 5 my make up is running down my face, I have barf on my shirt, and my hair is in a messy bun because Camden will pull it if its down. Travis says he can tell how the kids were by how high and frazzled my bun is at 530 when he gets home.
3. Kids are loud. Duh right? Sometimes I'll have a moment where I remove myself by forcing myself to be deaf and ignore the crazy that surrounds me. That's usually when my dog and I make eye contact and we both know that we have reached crazy town, town of four. Then I usually dream of beaches, and margaritas and look at the clock to see how much longer until nap time.
4. I love nap time now, more than I did in college. True story.
5. I speak toddler. It's a weird realization as a mom when you translate your kids random talk into a sentence that actually does make sense. The first time you do it it's a weird feeling. I didn't know if I should be proud or ashamed... It's kind of like translating my drunk friends speech when I was DD for the night in college.
6. Having two kids is totally hectic. I had my post partum appt last week to make sure I'm all back to normal and such. It's weird to think that I've made it almost 6 weeks. I remember being home that first week and not imagining that anyone would make it out alive. Well, we are still kicking.
7. Travis and I both have decided that we are not baby people. Probably not that nicest thing to admit, but each stage, I say "this is my favorite" as they both grow. New moms, it's ok to not enjoy the baby stage, the barfy, the newborn cry (yes it's a specific cry), the bird seed poops, the blow outs, the mood swings, the inability for them to do anything but have gas smiles as they fill their pants. It's a very hard time. I'm not a new mom and my second was just as "new" as the first. What's not ok, is to not love your baby, there is a difference between, not enjoying the stage, and not enjoying your baby.
8. I still doubt myself. One would think that since this isn't my first rodeo that I'm all expert. NO- I still read the same books for reference, visit the same websites, and ask my friends questions. Each kid is different, and trust me... You forget EVeRyThInG! Well except how to hold them, and love them. At the end of the day, babies are super resilient, and they will be fine as long as you change their diaper, kiss their forehead, feed and hold them. Trust me, and remember that on hard days. (I'm writing this for myself to reread as I dance between the fine line of insanity and sanity)
9. I have finally realized that it is in fact YOUR child and you don't need to justify why you do certain things. Camden is nearly two, Andie nearly 6 weeks, and I'm just now able to feel comfortable saying that. Sadly, your baby is judged and held to certain standards the second they are born. If you aren't confident, neither will the baby. So stand tall in what you do. If you want to use pampers, Huggies or target brand diapers, that's your choice. If you want to put bows on your baby's head every day, perfect. If you want to put your baby in the crib right away, awesome! If you want to give your kid formula instead of breast milk, hey.. That's alright. All this came to make sense while we were at the park. I watched my kid run around and play the same way, and do the same things as others, regardless of the things mentioned above.... And then he licked the monkey bars. Just kidding. Maybe.... :) each mom just wants their kid to be happy and that is fantastic.
10. Shopping is hard. I'm struggling with how to unload the cart. Do I put the kids in the car first, or unload first? Do I put the baby in first? Or the toddler? It's all a big mind screw.
11. When I'm in public looking at other moms, I wonder if they are all experiencing the same things I am? Do they sometimes think that there is no way they will make it 5 more minutes? Do they feed their toddler peanut butter and crackers for dinner because that will keep him quiet for 4 seconds? Or do they really have it together?
12. I miss date night. Travis and I made time for us when it was just Camden. Now with two, it way different. We have about 45 minutes alone to talk about adult things before the little one wakes up to begin her 2 hours of crying a night. I miss my boyfriend.
13. It does get easier. I have to write that down because I need to look at Camden and realize he wasn't always leprechauns and lucky charms. Well actually he was pretty close to always being awesome, but nevertheless, it will get a tad easier... This first month of two has kicked my butt.
Bring it on, only 17 years and 11 months to go :)
If anyone has solutions or comments, or thoughts on my "worries" do share.
Happy Memorial Day weekend peeps!
Hugs,
Megs
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